Analyze your analysis “But Women are Sexist Too!”
December 7, 2007
As I apparently am, sojourners — at least at first glance. But you have to squint real hard, in order to blur the jarring disparities so much out of focus that the asymmetrical comparision becomes relevant.
It starts out innocently enough. A co-ed conversation about the finer points of sexism and what to do about it, cannot last very long before a man shouts that women are sexist too. All other conversation ceases while this point is explained, debated, refuted, explained again, flame bait is thrown, someone grabs a fire extingisher, more explainations. Soon enough, the people who have been through this a hundred times and were really looking for chat with a bit more bite this time, become throughly exhausted, dismayed, disgusted – and wonder off to seek more honest chatter elsewhere.
Did you see what just happened there, sojourners? That is the exact same conversation which has been going on for millenia. I’m taking notes, so I wrote it down.
Another conversation, this one on the merits of perpetrator-blaming, is shaping up to look promising. Along comes darling Nigel, insisting that all men aren’t like that. He is profoundly, deeply insulted because he is not a sexist oinker and he doesn’t appreciate being penned in with the ones who are. Guess what happens, sojourners? Yep, the exact same thing which has gone on for millenia.
During these conversations, someone always does something and forgets to do something else — but of course it isn’t you sojourners*, and of course it isn’t the feminists, and of course it isn’t the women who think men are being castrated by the truth, and in fact it isn’t anybody at all because everybody does it. But of course I’m not going to let anybody off the hook, because I’m mean. You fell for it again. Everybody did. AGAIN. Oh stop, I didn’t mean that “it”, I meant something else. 🙂
You think I am talking about how the conversations get shut down by Nigel. Nope. That’s been done to death, and Feminism 101 was set up specifically to deal with that.
Can we pleeeeese think about this, this time from a different perspective?
It’s like a white person complaining about some black guy who insults white people. He thinks black man insulting white dude carries the exact same amount of emotional baggage as white dude insulting black man. Perhaps, it does — to him — because he doesn’t give a shit about anybody except himself. White dude is a selfish asshole. At the risk of repeating myself, the term which no one seems to remember is: SELFISH ASSHOLE. The full phrase could be politely worded as: Selfish assholes do not deserve more for themselves than what they are willing to give to others.
His initial complaint is not a statement which passes the common sense test. Complaining that an individual instance of harassment is the equivalent to deeply-rooted cultural discrimination is ridiculous. It is ridiculous because white dude somehow fails to account for the historic pattern of racism which has been overwhelming directed at people of color, and he fails to account for the fact that the pattern of cultural degregation is still widely evident. White dude apparently doesn’t know one damn thing about history, or care, and we are supposed to believe that white dude sprung fully grown from a box marked “empty”.
We are also supposed to believe that box is also stamped “fragile snowflake”. His feelings are hurt, his manhood has been insulted. This, sojourners, is supposed to be a tragedy and we are supposed to drop everything while we prop up both him and his twelve-ton ego. Our history of subjegation and continued pattern of degregation is supposed to magically take a back seat to his needs, AGAIN.
He claims to not comprehend the difference between one isolated instance of harrassment, and a pattern of harrassment affecting an entire group. Why is this simple point clearly too perplexing for so many men?
I personally believe that men are not stupid. Let’s face it, stupidity could be a reason they can’t comprehend simple gender deconstructions even after tedious repetition, but again, I don’t believe general stupidity is the reason. After all, men are capable of innovative scientific discoveries, which require immense brain power; and even the informally educated are capable of interpreting baseball scores, bus schedules, and directions to the new strip club — which are frequently and unnecessarily complicated. So if stupidity is not the reason, and if their brain isn’t the issue, then what is?
Why do they not get the simple fact that even though a particular women might be sexist, it is not and never will be as profound an injustice as when a man is sexist? What prevents them from seeing this? If we’ve ruled out stupidity, then what else is left?
Is it selfishness? Does he not care? Or does he want the privilege of sexism to continue?
Now that you’ve chosen an answer, I have a question for anyone still reading: What kind of character trait is required to continually tolerate a misogynistic asshole? Your possible answers are below.
- A small doormat who only tolerates assholess occassionally.
- A medium doormat who tolerates assholes frequently.
- A large doormat who tolerates assholes all the goddamned time.
- A gigantic doormat who doesn’t even know she’s a doormat.
A healthy person is not a doormat. You are not a doormat. I know it’s hard, almost impossible if you’ve been socialized to think of yourself as always needing to be concerned about the feelings of every man’s before your own. You have my utmost sympathy, but because I only want what’s best for you, please consider the possibility that you’ve been brainwashed into that belief. Think of it like a dangerously unhealthy habit which you need to break.
If you really think women should be equal to men, and I hope you do, then automatically putting yourself second every time is kinda not living up to that ideal. Politely accepting assholes at face value without calling them on their shit is completely in line with a doormat mentality. If you don’t feel that pointing out assholishness is acceptable, please be able to at least recognize it for what it is.
The next time you see an asshole attempting to shut a conversation down, send him to Feminism 101. Send the
feminist women doormats to this post, and this one. That’s the doormat post.
*It really isn’t. Radfems are too smart for that crap, but the sentence just didn’t sound right without a “you” in there.