Evolution of an Asshat and the Power of Forgiveness
November 26, 2007
STEP ONE: Man makes sexist joke.
STEP TWO: Woman objects, citing the harm that negative attitudes have on listeners.
STEP THREE: Man says woman is rude, and can’t she please be more polite about her incessant demands?
STEP FOUR: Woman politely repeats her statement.
STEP FIVE: Man says *yawn* I haven’t done anything wrong, what are you talking about, I don’t see a problem, she deserved it, anyway it’s just a joke, grow a thicker skin, the intention wasn’t what you think, I’m not sexist so it’s okay for me to make sexist jokes, aw you know boys will be boys, we’re just having fun, I didn’t mean it that way, you’re reading too much into it, just relax, don’t you have a knitting forum to bitch about this at, you’re too sensitive, you’re ruining my fun, how can I possibly have a conversation about anything and NOT include a reference to woman-as-sextoy, you’re whining again, get over it already, it’s not that bad, it’s really not my problem, other things are worse, explain your problem with the joke again, no I didn’t understand the first time will you explain it again, it’s your job to teach me–not mine, what did you mean by that, men have troubles too, don’t you care about men, why do you hate men, you’re making too much of it, my wife thought the joke was funny, if you’re going to be rude about it then why should I listen to you, you need to say it “this way”, show me some respect whydon’tcha, *cough* for god’s sake I didn’t know it bothered you that much, why didn’t you tell me sooner, why didn’t you say anything when that other guy did it, stand up for yourself, don’t be rude to me when you stand up for yourself–my feelings are important too! Hey! this stuff bothers women, and it’s harmful! Who knew? *shug* I’m such a great guy for figuring this out on my own! Come back here and lets be friends! Don’t hold a grudge, make sure you forgive – like I always have! I’m not mad at you honey so you better not be mad at me or else I’ll backslide… You just better behave YOURSELF TOO.
STEP SIX: Woman says, “I wuv you!”
Sojourners, there’s this thing called a doormat. It’s made for walking on, and for wiping the accumulated filth of the world on. This wiping device is designed to leave one’s heel spotlessly unaffected by what path one has chosen to trod upon, as one passes into a nicely clean world which is designed solely and exclusive for one’s own comfort. No thought is given to the harsh bootprints stamped into the mud, drying in the sun as a testimony to how hard that boot can stomp.
That doormat is you, erstwhile wayward feminist travelers. But everything will be okay, the truth is not going to kill you, the power of the truth will set you free.
Once on Twisty’s board I asked women to pick a date in the distant future when they thought sexism would be over. I asked: when that date arrived and men were still sexist pigs, would they give up on men? Most of them grabbed what I call the “sainthood excuse”. No, they would never give up on men and would apparently forgive any and all transgressions if men would just get with the program.
Funny how they won’t advocate infinite forgiveness for any other ongoing crime against humanity.
Forgiveness is only possible when the injustice has no possiblity of being repeated. Otherwise, it’s merely a coping mechanism for dealing with ongoing abuse. Only a god who doesn’t exist on this earth in human form can forgive her attackers for a continous gang rape in progress. Only a doormat in denial can forgive an inherently sexist animal for actively resisting equality.
Feminists are in denial. Buckets of it. Take any coping mechanism, and read it with feminists in mind. Take Stockholm Syndrome, for example:
Stockholm Syndrome is a psychological response sometimes seen in an abducted hostage, in which the hostage shows signs of loyalty to the hostage-taker, regardless of the danger (or at least risk) in which the hostage has been placed.
Loyalty to a more powerful abuser — in spite of the danger that this loyalty puts the victim in — is common among victims of domestic abuse, battered partners and child abuse (dependent children). In many instances the victims choose to remain loyal to their abuser, and choose not to leave him or her, even when they are offered a safe placement in foster homes or safe houses.
(An excellent book on the subject is Stanley Cohen’s States of Denial; Knowing about Autrocities and Suffering. I decided to buy it after finding this temptingly well-written review here; and yes, it has more than lived up to it’s promised shininess. Most books take forever to get to the point, but Cohen scattered gems on every page.)
Women love men, they love sex with men, they love being loved by men. It is unbearably heartbreaking for a feminist to think that, while men do indeed love women, men’s love is not the same as women’s love. Women have always loved men as one would love an equal, and some men have done the same in return, but great numbers of men are also imminently capable of loving women as one would love a dog. Sojourners, this is the only explaination which fits the pattern of history. How else can you explain a man looking his wife in the eye and saying, “no honey, you don’t deserve equality”?
I know, I know. “Culture” the feminists shout. Well please stop shouting, because you haven’t seen an ass reaming like the one I am about to give to “culture” as an excuse.
But I’m not done with denial just yet. Or maybe I am, because while a thousand words may paint a pretty picture, it is too long for a blog post.
To be continued.