How to Blame the Patriarchy by a Feminazi

December 29, 2007

Someone* wanted to know how men could suggest insist that their access entitlement to porn body parts was crucial to their mental health and social development; and she noticed in particular how men could at the same time claim that the respectful dehumanized images found in the average porn has absolutely no influence on their attitudes  behavior towards women. 

Excellent!  She wanted a rebuttal to that and here it —

We interrupt your regularily scheduled commercial stream to bring you a brief message from the product sponser:

The difference between what we know to be true, as opposed to what is emphasized, tells us something important about the culture in which we reside — if we can but see the dichtonomy.  While there are numerous reasons why we might not see what is right in front of us – exhaustion, stress, too busy rushing from one activity to another – sometimes one of those reasons is plain old denial, which sometimes can be healthy and necessary when faced with an immediate attack on our psyche.  It buys us time until we learn better coping skills, but it can also become it’s own  source of stress and confusion if we never move forward.

Some types of denial are based on simple avoidence, a desire to protect ourselves from the discomfort of a painful reality.  We pretend the thing in front of us is not important and so we don’t have to acknowlege it, or deal with the consequences.

Other types of denial work to protect ourselves from how others perceive us.  By insisting that we don’t even know that something is wrong, we eliminate our own accountable for our failure to act.  We are blameless, because we didn’t know.  We remain innocent in other’s eyes.   So when men continually pretend to not understand plain language – “this is rape, stop, now” – it should tell us something very important about men.  

But it doesn’t, because the thing that hurts our brain gets in the way, and so we don’t want to know.  It doesn’t have to be this way.  The patriarchy is just a giant game, like Monopoly or Life, and uses every psychological tool and manipulation tactic in the DSM-II to stack the deck in it’s favor.  It’s a game that has a happy ending for everyone – but only if you see the game.  You cannot end what you do not see.  Blind blundering hope will never race as fast to catch the moving prize as those who see where the movement trends, and wisely takes the shortcut.

Still other types of denial perform a more intensive service, which is to shift blame away from one source to another.  This happens when a fault-finding mission is underway, and it becomes a game among all players to see who gets caught holding the proverbial smoking gun.   In other words, blame the problem on somebody else, before somebody blames you.  While this is a lovely denial mechanism and a very useful way to avoid attention, one itsy-bitsy tiny thing needs to be made clear.   Before someone even gets to the point where she feels it is necessary to shift the focus onto somebody else, that person either has to experience some degree of responsibilty for the problem in the first place, or that person recognizes that she will be the likely focus.

Looks up.  Is that a fair assessment, do you think?  And what exactly does that have to do with the original question and finding a rebuttal?

Advertisers spends billions of dollars each year convincing people to buy their products, and millions are invested in marketing/psychology research, which studies how and why people make the goofy buying decisions we do.  There is an entire subfield of study devoted exclusively to “how to get shoppers to walk away from the fricking door” — I kid you not.  (People tend to walk in a store and pause in the doorway, which blocks the path of incoming customers; and we can’t have that.)

**Obviously** companies wouldn’t blow their budget each year, decade after decade, if advertising didn’t influence attitudes and affect change in behavior.  This statement alone should refute the claim of pro-pornies quite nicely.  But in addition to that, there is a massive amount of research demonstrating that people who are exposed to porn will give convicted rapists less punishment, etc.

 All of that should be enough to close the argument, and yet it never does.

Gee, I wonder why?

That bit of logic -with a TON of proof  to back it up – never is quite good enough to pass muster with the patriarchy, it is instead dismissed and minimized, and distractions flourish.  But those are strictly manipulative tactics and do not and never will amount to a logical refutation of feminist arguments.

Have you considered the subject of denial?  🙂

I don’t think the answer to the original question has anything at all to do with what would appease the patriarchy, in my arrogant opinion, because it never addresses the real problem.  The question for me is “why do men deny the bloody fucking obvious?”

The only reason for admitting a problem is to fix the problem.  Their denial is a tactical delay, which hopefully will buy them more time in which to fuck women over.  

But folks – what is the next question in the que?  Come on, there’s another one.  Ask it.  You cannot find the answer until you find the question.  Your happy ending to the game is waiting for you.

*The person who asked this question may or may not want credit for inspiring today’s spewage.  I am waiting for her approval.   Yes, she is fabulous.

6 Responses to “How to Blame the Patriarchy by a Feminazi”


  1. uses every psychological tool and manipulation tactic in the DSM-II to stack the deck in it’s favor.

    Even better–patriarchy, that is, MEN, fucking invented psychology (“oh, all your problems are in your pretty little head, dearie”) and wrote the DSM (I think we’re up to IV or V, by now). Pretty easy to win the game when you made up the rules and wrote the rule book, revising it as you go along.

    Brava, as usual.

  2. stormy Says:

    I believe teh menz have been called on their denial (about the harms of porn and rape); however, they deny that denial. Denying denial, that seems to be the root of the issue. 😦

    Good point Amy’s Brain, yeah writing the rules and rule book (plus a constant shift of those rules) does give them a slight advantage.

    I for one, am not playing.


  3. Psychology came about to study the mind, and it uses catholic theology as its framework. This is why any spiritual experience is deemed as a psychotic episode and why women are seen as creatures needing to be controlled. Even today women who have many sexual partners are viewed as having something “wrong” with them. Shit! When I was on my psychiatry placement we were told to read through the old admission books to get an idea of what used to warrant as “mad” In just the early 1900’s women were locked up in asylums for having a baby out of wedlock. The diagnosis? “melancholia”

    Psychology uses the “Ten Commandments” as it’s base line. Now seeing how much these religions despises women can it be any wonder that psychology does just that. It’s a orchestrated head fuck between the patriarchy, religion and medicine.

  4. Scarlet Says:

    I went through a phase where I seriously wanted to make “porn” (not be in it, just produce it)–if it wasn’t such a logistical problem completely outside of my skill set–because it was obvious to me that it was not going away and it was having such an obvious negative effect on men (and ultimately women). No research studies needed. I swear, the minute a man kissed me I could tell he was learning from porn (don’t grab my hair, pull my head back and start licking my chin…geez. And keep the sardine juice out of my face!). So I felt it would do a service if someone would make “good porn” (more natural, more consensual, more joyful, but still explicit enough to satisfy those “crucial mental health needs”). Long story short–I realized that the larger (non-porn) culture was just as pornagraphic and largely responsible for why men were responding to images of female degradation, not necessarily the other way around. In other words, men watching porn don’t really want to think about our needs or how to truly satisfy us. Too complicated. It is designed, after all, to be all about them–just like everything else.

  5. Satsuma Says:

    Wow Miss Andrea, you’ve done it again! It’s so great to read all these posts, and to have a group of women so dedicated to exposing the womanhating evil of pornography. I think a lot of women out there are completely unaware of the degree to which men want to use women sexually, and could care less about women as thinking feeling human beings.

    Mainstream talk radio is full of in your face womanhatred, and then you have women calling into these shows agreeing with the attacks and belittling commentary on women!! Yikes, talk about unconscious incredible self-hatred out there. Clearly we are in an escalating war on women.

    Does widespread porn and the availablity of ant-woman talk radio like the Tom Lykis show, affect the troops in Iraq? Does a 28-30% rape and sexual assault statistic over there have anything to do with porn/woman hating radio shows? That’s right NPR (National Public Radio) reported that women soldiers in Iraq were being raped by their male American “comrades.” The women were too ashamed to report it most of the time. Has Hillary Clinton been asked what she intends to do about this when she becomes president?

    Anyway, Miss Andrea your posts are heroic, feminazi you’re a heroine. Thanks for defending women and calling the boys on the denial of outright evil!! Can’t say more….

    P.S. I lost the link to this site and went into a panic, but then got it again from Heart’s site. Now it’s safely in my FAVORITE file!! Whew close call!!!

  6. m Andrea Says:

    Hey Satsuma, I wondered where you ran off to, welcome back!!

    The main reason this bloggy is concerned about rape (among other topics) is because of what it say about society as a whole. Not to discount the pain of individual women, of course, but other blogs are taking care of that angle. When men continue to make excuses for why rape isn’t really rape, century after century, that should tell us something very important about the nature of men – if we are willing to look.

    Most women are afraid of the answer, because they have been so brainwashed, they think the only answer is that we must accept a permanent state of sexism. But there are other alternatives, a multitude of available choices. It isn’t my place to select a choice for other women, that’s is up to them.

    Isn’t it funny how feminists fight so hard for “choice” and yet each and every time their choices only come down to two? Anyway, Satsuma, you are fabulous, and very inspiring, because somehow or another you always make me go rambling into interesting places.


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