But she cares more about a clean house than I do. manjoose

December 26, 2007

chocolate girl

This is the ‘reason’ stupetufried brain-dead men routinely give for not cleaning up more and leaving all the toilet scrubbing and floor shining to the scullery maid, who doesn’t mind all that much, mainly because she’s heard that line so many times she believes the period on the end of the sentence means to stop thinking any more about it.  But because my beady little eyes spy ellipses where other people see periods, I keep going.  This is my take:

What he is saying is exactly what he did say, and he meant every word.  He doesn’t give a shit when something, particularly of a domestic nature, bothers you.  He doesn’t care, and his lack of concern is YOUR problem to cope with, not his.

And because I am an evil feminazi working overtime on christmas eve*, here is my version of the preceeding events:

“Well, hurrah-for-brains, I really don’t care all that much about shaving my legs or exercising two hours a day or depriving myself of chocolate as often as I do, because I just don’t care as much as you do that I fit into that scrap of lace you jokingly refer to as my cute little maid’s outfit whilst you bought me for christmas.

In fact, I care so little that I’m going to do what I want for a change, and I don’t give a shit that those extra pounds mean more to you than they do to me.”

See how that works?  😉  Do you understand yet that I neeeeeeed chocolate, and my neighbor will not make the mucho dark chocolate cake with four layers of creamy coffee-tinged filling and topped with a dark chocolate glaze until New Year’s?  What is wrong with people?  🙂  I only have two truffles left, and they will not survive unmolested for long.

I really have no idea what is wrong with me, I once went two whole years without a drop of coco leaf and now I can’t last a day.  The sad thing is, I know many women who deprive themselves of chocolate heaven on a daily basis, all because they are trying desperately to be thin enough to appease their man.  And yet, their dood doesn’t seem to do much besides pay half the household bills from his 40hr a week paycheck, and to make matters worse, would probably discourage the pouring of hot chocolate glazing on his weenier.  Dood!  Chocolate deprivation is an on-going, non-stop 24/7/364 ordeal!  That extra paycheck isn’t worth the hassle.

 *Crudeness Early Warning System Activated!  Detection Status:  Incoming!* 

I swear the only reason men want women to swallow is because they know their sardine flavored baby-batter tastes disgusting, and they want to see who is stupid enough to pretend to like it.   Given that the whole point of the patriarchy’s existence is to convince us to accept our sexbot-babymaker status as a higher calling and our only purpose so that we should just bend-over with a smile and a kiss, it really shouldn’t be surprising they want us to enjoy slurping down toxic sludge while pretending it’s manna from heaven. 

Since I’m still rambling.  Why all the misogynistic jokes about smelly vaginas when manjoose really does taste like the sardine encrusted salt at the bottom of my fishtank?  If men find the smell so awful, then why do they coerce women into sex before the woman has a chance to decide for herself and prepare accordingly?  Why do women never complain about eating crud on a daily basis but men feel they are entitled to whine about something that is washed, waxed, powdered and coifed before every opening night?  Do women actually like day-old sardine juice, or is that one of those things the BetterWife™ pretends isn’t really happening because she doesn’t want it to?

No matter what a man does to prevent it, his spewage will always taste worse than chocolate, I think that’s my point. 

Apologies for broaching delicate sensitivities; my other neighbor gave me some homemade apple wine from my apples I gave him this past summer, and yes I had a smidgen earlier too much.  *I had to let this one age overnight, to see if I still wanted to post the naughty bits.   But it had to be included, to match the photochop.  When I wrote it, I was thinking about all the interesting search phrases that people have used.  “raped grandma is number 1!    Also, hi Scarlet!  Welcome! 

17 Responses to “But she cares more about a clean house than I do. manjoose”

  1. Scarlet Says:

    That’s quite a welcome. You are doing a good job helping me to not miss the sex I am coming to realize I may never have again. It has always been better in theory than reality–I have had a psychic distaste toward men all along. No trauma, just call it an icky feeling… Match.com has been a great help as well. I now cruise it on occasion to round out the thesis that MEN SUCK! They fall into catagories: pedophiles (okay, maybe a bit harsh just cause they want someone 20 years younger); bubbas (“my dog is my best girl”); little boys (“I wuv my ATV”); Joe Cools (“I’ve been everywhere and done everything”); Barbie collectors (no chocolate allowed); oh I could go on, but I suppose that is in the catagory of preaching to the choir…
    I hear if they eat pineapple it tastes better. Now get on that hot tip ladies!

  2. pisaquari Says:

    “sardine flavored baby-batter “–um, okay mAndrea, you almost owed me new undies.

    Scarlet hello! Your match.com categories are hilarious and spot on–I think they’d make for a great spoof dating site called unmatch.com (replete with a cyber dart board of Dr. Phil’s face!)

  3. m Andrea Says:

    Pineapple flavored sardine juice? I’ll have to pass! 🙂 You, however, should decide what’s best for you. There are nice guys out there, so if you want one then keep looking. I just get irritated with the notion that because some guys are nice, we should pretend that most of them are.

    But I finally did notice the discreptancy between what we know to be true (manjoose is sardine flavored) and what is emphasized (smelly vaginas, which only happens when the female doesn’t have the option of freshening up). Is Thebewilderness gonna give me another cookie? She might not read it, heh.

  4. m Andrea Says:

    Another thing, which is possibly indelicate. Men keep using that smelly “joke” as a way increase her insecurities, which makes her reluctant to even ask – but yet he expects her to perform an activity which always involves sardines. Once again, teh menz demand more for themselves then what they will grant to women.

  5. thebewilderness Says:

    “No matter what a man does to prevent it, his spewage will always taste worse than chocolate, I think that’s my point. ”

    We need banners. We need signs. I may freeway blog this brilliant quote.
    Women of the world could unite under this banner, and the patriarchy will crumble.
    Your evil plan is coming together brilliantly.

  6. Scarlet Says:

    Unmatch.com…that’s a good one. I can see the comedy skit in my head. Some things write themselves. Yeah, there are nice guys out there but my manhating alter ego is enjoying the unedited spewing (so to speak) that even my sassy girlfriends (struggling to make a go of it with some marginal specimen) try to get me to rein in. I realize that the “men are jerks” mantra is often what women say when they are pissed at boyfriends or between boyfriends, but it is good to see women (such as yourself/yourselves) who broaden it out enough to question the nature of the beasts and the damage being done to women and gentler men everywhere and always. Sign me up for the evil plan..

  7. m Andrea Says:

    **rubs hands in an evil manner and considers how best to talk Scarlet into contributing**

    Thanks, Thebewilderness. I frequently ponder why you don’t have a blog, you are far wiser than me. And far more tackful. Oh.

  8. Jokerine Says:

    “mucho dark chocolate cake with four layers of creamy coffee-tinged filling and topped with a dark chocolate glaze”

    you know, you could have stopped right there. But no! you had to go on.

    Anyway, my little sister is getting married tomorrow, so I’m browsing radical feminist websites and eating chocolate. I’m not sure that preparing myself like this is really a good idea.

    mucho dark chocolate cake with four layers of creamy coffee-tinged filling and topped with a dark chocolate glaze would be a good way to prepare myself, I’m sure.

  9. m Andrea Says:

    That cake is to die for. That is all. Condolences to your sister! Or something. 🙂

  10. Jokerine Says:

    “Or something” 😉

    so what is the recipie? (or is that question to housewify. Then again what do I care, housework is totally empowering if you do it naked.)

  11. bonobobabe Says:

    I love you, mAndrea! I’m happy to have found your blog and also justicewalk’s blog. You two were the best radfems that I ever encountered on Twisty’s forum, which I left, b/c I couldn’t hack the b.s.

    “I just get irritated with the notion that because some guys are nice, we should pretend that most of them are.”

    Amen. It’s a numbers game. Women are always encouraged to bet AGAINST the odds. How fucked up is that? I don’t have time for one-in-a-million.

    And as for male squeezuns (I just coined that word), it cracks me up that most women look at it as a waste product, but men think it’s sacred. Even though it’s funky, nasty, etc. They’d shoot it in a jar and market it as face cream if they could get away with it. Or maybe a cure for psoriasis. Ooh, I know. They could call it “Jock-zema.”

  12. m Andrea Says:

    Yay! Glad you found us then, and welcome! LOL um, I am stealing that. LOL

    It may be a couple days before I post again, I am not feeling the funny.

    I always give credit though. ‘manufactured by bonobobabe’. I swear to god I just wonder around looking for things to mooch. Allecto has a great post up, and a great quote:

    In Joss Whedon’s future world prostituted women are powerful and respectable. They go to an Academy, to train in the arts of being a ‘Companion’. They belong to a Guild which regulates prostitution, forces women to endure yearly health tests and comes up with rules to make prostitution sound empowering for women. For example, one Guild rule is that the ‘Companion’ chooses her rapist, not the other way around.

    But there is one really big question that does not get answered. The women who ‘choose’ to be ‘Companions’ are shown as being intelligent, accomplished, educated, well-respected and presumably from good families. If a woman had all of these qualities and opportunities then why the fuck would she ‘choose’ to be a man’s fuck toy? Would being a fuck toy for hundreds of men give a woman like Inara personal fulfillment? Job satisfaction? A sense of purpose? Fulfill her dreams? Ambitions?

    I’ll post the recipe for you Jokerine! 🙂

  13. thebewilderness Says:

    “But there is one really big question that does not get answered. The women who ‘choose’ to be ‘Companions’ are shown as being intelligent, accomplished, educated, well-respected and presumably from good families. If a woman had all of these qualities and opportunities then why the fuck would she ‘choose’ to be a man’s fuck toy?”

    She wouldn’t.
    I think that is the crux of the issue, almost always.
    Men cannot conceive of a society where women are not dedicated to their service. For the most part, women make up the service sector of every society on the planet.
    Were women not trained from birth to see themselves as servants to men, they would make very different choices, when those choices are available to them. Were men not taught from birth to expect the service of women, they would be able to conceive of a society where there was no service sector dedicated to them.
    One of the most destructive myths in our society is that, even if women were not punished for choosing to serve themselves, women prefer to serve others, namely men.
    I heard people rave about how pro feminism that show was, so I rented the movie. Criminy!!! What a piece of crap. Since when is it a feminist breakthrough to consider some women somewhat human. I mean CRIMINY!!!

  14. m Andrea Says:

    I’ve wondered if it starts with little kids getting all their needs met from mommy instead of daddy, but that can’t be accurate. I’ve seen an entire board of MRA doods complain viciously that they were abandoned at birth by their mothers who put them up for adoption, even though they would also say their adopted families were wonderful. Then I’ve seen other MRA doods go on a rampage about their working moms, even though their stay-at-home-dads apparently did a decent job. They said they were traumatized by not growing up in a woman-as-subserviant household!!

    That was scary, as I preferred to believe that it was possible for a dad to raise a boy to like women. The level of hatred directed at women appears to be completely out of proportion — which is why I think their “reasons” stem from the lizard part of their brains.

  15. m Andrea Says:

    Suppose the explaination for the above scenerio is that the stay-at-home-dad was resentful, and the kid picked up on this.

    And yet – all those millions of moms who never had a choice just doesn’t ever register on them at all, which is only possible if they don’t see women as equal.

  16. thebewilderness Says:

    I think that it is like the air we breathe, in that we cannot recognize the many different gasses it is made up of except when we get a lungfull of one particularly concentrated bit.
    From the moment we are born, we are cooed over in a gender specific manner. We are taught to categorize people from our earliest days.
    We find that being approved of as “good” costs us our humanity, and being ignorant children we offer it up with barely a struggle.
    Sometimes I think those “terrible two’s” that adults chuckle over are the doomed effort of a child to assert their humanity. We do get over it, unfortunately. Sometime we give it a second look later in life.
    I think that when children are surrounded with the constant reinforcement that they are entitled to an idyllic childhood, they will feel cheated if they do not have what they are taught they are entitled to. They are also taught who to hold responsible for for their lack.
    Every time we make an assumption about a child based on gender we are reinforcing the patriarchial myth. Every single time.
    By the time they make it into the lord of the flies atmosphere of preschool, or out on the streets to play, they have learned to pay careful attention to their status in the heirarchy.

    This comment is an illustration of why I don’t have a blog.
    I can talk about it in such a way that it makes sense and the thoughts connect in obvious ways, but when I try to write, it comes out in separate bits without the connective tissue that writers such as yourself include, and readers depend on. A friend of mine used to tease that one day she would bring a tape recorder and transcribe my chatter into a book, because heaven know it would be only three pages long if I tried to write it down myself.

  17. m Andrea Says:

    I figured out a while back that you are frequently the smartest person in the room, it’s just a matter of prying it out of you. Also, you’re either psychic, or we’re all on the same journey, headed in the same direction. Most women already know what’s going on, we simply need permission to say it. That’s what this blog is for. The patriarchy is a giant brain-washing machine, telling us not to tell the truth about men or we’ll be bad little girls. Screw that, we’re bad little girls already, according to them.

    I ramble like crazy, most posts end up talking about three things at once, that’s one of the reasons I have to agonize over the thing. Trying to keep things simple is the hard part.

    Well freaking tape one session, and transcribe, then edit. We are missing out, damnit! If you don’t want the hassle of bloggycrap, then surely lots of people would jump at the chance to host it for you. like me, fer instance. 🙂 TWO people liked my worst post so far, Lara and Hermil have no taste! lol *poke, poke* Either that, or I have none. :/

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