How to Crack a Code while Sulking

December 15, 2007

So there I was a few days ago, happy that I had 9 fabulous in a row (count ’em, I did) blog posts under my belt, when I stroll across this at the f-word. It is none other than Sudy, who is ragging on white-privileged feminists for not giving WOC due respect. She’s also mad that a book I haven’t read features a skinny white body part on the cover.

Ah well and good, but hey, we all can’t rag on the feminists at the same time – it will give them a complex, chocolate consumption will rise, they will possibly stop doing femini stuff – and then where will we be? Feminists are on our side, remember. We must take turns, I said firmly, brandishing my privilege from the get-go. You take the white-privilege feminists, and I’ll take the pro-pornies.

It so happens that she’s brownish and possibly pro-porn although I might be wrong on that one, and I’m pinkish and definitely anti-porn, so we’re in kitty corner camps. How purrrfectly awkward if true.

She also made me feel bad, damn her. After watching her video performance, I was consumed with a defensive outrage. How dare she insinuate that hastily left opinions impulsively typed into blog chatterboxes are the responsibility of feminists? How dare I be mad at her for blowtorching a strawfeminist when I did exactly same thing in my last blog post? I skittered through outrage and squeezed past remorse, quietly realizing I was teetering on hypocrisy – a very sorry place to be indeed.

But I also realized something else, as I was strolling through the f-word blog. All those posts, one after the other, all pointing out the sad indisputable truth that men still continue to objectify and dismiss half the human race — and yet somehow we’re not supposed to be mad at the little buggers because they bring us roses on valentine’s day.

Zen and the Art of Willful Blindness

In short, while contemplating my suckage as a blog hostess, I cracked the secret codebook of feminist rules, which must be followed meticulously if one is to wear the special feminist badge of crazy. The first rule is that feminists are not allowed to be angry at men, no matter what they do. We must blame culture instead, because blaming little shits for being little shits is strictly off-limits. The second rule clearly states that while it is a perfectly aceptable feminist pastime to deflect and deconstruct the many false accusations thrown at women, feminists must never throw any mud of their own. Feminists must be perfect at all times, even though men are constantly acting like little shits — especially then, apparently.

If you understand these rules already, well then bully for you. They make no sense to me. Because I’m evil, I operate under rules which actually reflect reality and use a methodology which is grounded in practicality. But reality requires a dedication to seek the truth regardless of how painful it may be; and practicality requires a commitment to discarding false promises and ineffectual dreams. I’m not sure how a feminist can look at 6000 years of men making one damn excuse after another for why we don’t need respect or rights, and still come to the insane conclusion that men really give a rat’s ass about women.

Most women will say that they don’t care why men are inherently sexist pigs, as long as men stop the sexist behavior. But if men are behaving well only because they want to keep the shrillest women pacified, then men will go right back to being sexist pigs first chance they get — because easy access to sex was always their primary motivator.

Oh sorry. That was probably too much reality. Go back to sleep Nigelia, it was all just a bad dream. Look! Other there! Cock! You can stop thinking now.

15 Responses to “How to Crack a Code while Sulking”

  1. m Andrea Says:

    You are allowed to make fun of my cut and paste skillz, and general non-artsy-fartsy-ness. Now that I’m looking at it, I don’t like the background.

  2. Mary Sunshine Says:


    You have articulated my frustration with feminism eloquently.

    That’s why I prefer to call myself a separatist. We’ll only be safe from the predations of males when they can’t get at us any more.

    The various strategies to achieve this are another discussion.

    Feminism can, and will, go on forever, wherever males are found. I look for a female world where feminism is unnecessary, instead of simply the absurdity that it is in this world.


  3. m Andrea Says:

    Mary! Thank you!

    The thing is, this is all so bleeping obvious once someone jumps past denial. That’s what’s so odd to me, and I think either something is wrong with us that we’re not like most people, or everybody else is crazy.

    I’m *still* traumatized by the first real board I was on — they thought I meant something nefarious, gah. Real feminazis are much more fiendishly clever then that!

    hmmm, it must have been willful blindness at work. The addiction counselor tells me that people must have a way out of their problem, before they will ever be ready to admit that they even have a problem. Perhaps I should just quit beating around the bush and tell people my evil plan for world domination? It involves chocolate. The best plans always do. 😉

  4. Mary Sunshine Says:

    We will definately need chocolate to sustain our spirits as we take the steps necessary to establish a female world.


  5. thebewilderness Says:

    Cornering the market in chocolate seems to me to be the obvious first step in a successful economic revolution. Nonviolent noncompliance by an entire planet full of women stoned on chocolate would bring the patriarchy to its knees in a week. Perhaps two.

  6. feminazi Says:

    Hmmm, I like your plan better, Thebewilderness! I’ve been craving truffles for weeks, or maybe homemade fudge still warm from the pan. My sister makes awesome fudge. *dials phone innocently*

  7. I see what you mean about the f-word. Ick.

  8. Branjor Says:

    If women suddenly decided their loyalties lay with their own sex and turned their backs on men en masse, patriarchy would end instantly.

    I would probably be flamed for this on most feminist blogs, but I believe that the responsibility for women’s freedom lies with women. Women, however, cannot achieve this for our entire sex working individually or in small groups, but only collectively.

  9. feminazi Says:

    Amy! Your last two quotes on pain and privilege were perfect!

    I’m poking the feminists with sticks because I’m in pain – aren’t I thoughtful and considerate? :/ *This is what happens when I’m low on chocolate*

    “If women suddenly decided their loyalties lay with their own sex and turned their backs on men en masse, patriarchy would end instantly.”

    And Nigel gets in the way, Branjor. Every single time. Perhaps I shouldn’t blame Nigel for doing his job, perhaps I should blame women for letting him.

  10. Branjor Says:

    ***Perhaps I shouldn’t blame Nigel for doing his job, perhaps I should blame women for letting him.***

    Bingo. That’s what would get me in trouble on most feminist blogs.

  11. feminazi Says:

    You too? What’s up with feminists, that they can’t handle a little discussion?

  12. Branjor Says:

    It goes under the rubric of “woman blaming”. Now I don’t mind understanding of the situations women are in which make taking responsibility difficult to impossible at times, but sometimes I think the proscription against woman blaming goes too far and becomes self defeating.

  13. thebewilderness Says:

    I think you are right about that Branjor, but it feels like treading a mine field sometimes. The conflation of fault with responsibility makes talking about it nigh impossible without a flamewar.

  14. Level Best Says:

    mAndrea, I have seen you make a comment once or twice to the effect of science offering the possibility of a world without men. Have you had the opportunity to develop this idea and write about it? Could it be a future post?

  15. feminazi Says:

    Level Best, welcome! 🙂

    I sat here thinking very seriously about the various ramifications of the answers to your questions. Unfortunately, due to excessive bluntness and giving away of very exciting chocolate recipes, none of them are printable.

    The only thing I can say is that I learned my lesson very well elsewhere; denial is a huge issue and must be dealt with first. It doesn’t matter how accessible the shiny red button is, if no one will push it.

    The conflation of fault with responsibility

    “Blaming” implies a more more complete set of choices than what many women feel they have under patriarchy, and so they’re understandably resentful at the allegation. However, “blameless” implies both perfection and zero agency, so obviously that’s not right either.

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